Wikia's Weird Mysteries/Teen Wolf
Teen Wolf is the third installment of Wikia's Weird Mysteries and the third episode overall. A new hairy mystery raises questions in River Peaks, but when Crimmy, Claire and Tom are dealing with personal issues, Mandy recruits the people she never thought she would have to work with ever. Meanwhile, Roger and Reg fight for Crimmy's heart, and Crimmy and Tom try to figure out what's up with Claire. Episode Part 1/3 At the high school, Mandy and the gang is having lunch. MANDY: So what is everyone up to today? TOM: Why are you being nice MANDY: Tom if you begin that gay shit I AM ALWAYS NICE MANDY: But seriously guys what is everyone doing today? CRIMMY: My boyfriend Reg and Roger have been fighting for the last couple of days and it's driving me britishly angry MANDY: What about you Tom? TOM: Well, Chuck's memorial was gonna be today but it got delayed because no one liked him MANDY: And you Claire? CRIMMY: Yes, Claire, what are you up to? TOM: Yah Claire, spill the beans Before Claire can answer, Kitty Pryde interrupts them. She was the dumb nice girl of the students but after everyone shit talked her because she had dirty fantasies with her fictional serial killer Red Cougar and did a sextape with him, she used that slut image to create a dirty slutty queen bee. KITTY: Look if it isn't the nerd ass bitch MANDY: I will literally punch you KITTY: Oh and by the way the slutty bitch who tried to steal my boyfriend Roger CRIMMY: Excuse me bitch who you calling a slutty bitch KITTY: UMM IM TALKING TO DISCOUNT KEVIN KELLER HERE, tell me how is your loss going? Chuck was such a fine boy wasn't he? TOM: Hmm, not as fine as Red Cougar tho, tell me have you planned more sex tapes? KITTY: Ok wait hold on a sec... Crimmy so you are dating Roger too? My boyfriend MANDY: You literally just figured that now? CLAIRE: Also Roger "was gay" when did you fucking date? KITTY: Sure we didn't exactly date but he's my man so both of you uggo rats stay out of it CRIMMY: OH HELL NAWH YOU DIRTY BITCH Crimmy jumps off and lands on Kitty, ripping her Ariana Grande extensions. Kitty punches Crimmy, gets off of her and runs away. Crimmy tries to run away but she's stopped by --- omg its fucking ROGER. ROGER: Wow pretty cool what you did back there, slaying her ass CRIMMY: Yeah well ROGER: Would you like to go on a date? Suddenly Reg shows up. REG: Ooh, a date, cool I want to go too. CRIMMY: '''omg fucking kill me '''ROGER: SO ITS A DATE Later, at Crimmy's house, Tom and Crimmy are hanging out and playing ROBLOX. CRIMMY: YASS SHOT IN THE DARK TOM: Can't we just play Design It? CRIMMY: Bitch I need to be in a good mood tonight, because this night is gonna be fucked. TOM: Crim, can we stop playing? I need to tell you something CRIMMY: NO IM ABOUT TO SHOOT THIS FUCKING CUNT CRIMMY: OML NO THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME U LITTLE FUCKERS BLOODY HELL Crimmy is triggered. TOM: I need to talk to you ASAP. CRIMMY: What's up? TOM: ...The ceiling? CRIMMY: WHAT THE FUCK DO U WANT TO TALK ABOUT? TOM: OH! Ok, so like remember when we were trapped in Fearless Diva's house and we were all split into teams and then magically there was a portal? CRIMMY: yep TOM: Me and Hester --- ty god shes finally dead --- were arguing when we saw a blue shining light and then suddenly blue slime was coming out of Claire and she was on the ground CRIMMY: Did you say blue slime? TOM: umm i think so CRIMMY: omg the same shit happened to me, Claire texted me "SOS" and I arrived and she was fucking on the ground with blue slime I thought she was just drugged TOM: Do you think something happened to her? CRIMMY: I don't know honestly, she's probably just shady TOM: true On the date... REG: Can I buy you anything? ROGER: Please like you have any money REG: I will cut you ROGER: Get ready for the friendzone bruh Crimmy decides to leave but they don't notice and keep arguing over her. Crimmy then decides to go to the cemetery, but she realizes she's being followed by someone. Crimmy tries to run away from them but she trips on an animal grave. She looks back up and sees her newest mortal enemy. CRIMMY: Umm what the fuck do you want Kitty? Kitty pulls out a knife. KITTY: TO KILL YOU Kitty tries to stab Crimmy but Crimmy punches Kitty and throws her to the wolf grave. Crimmy sprints, and just as Kitty is about to get up, suddenly a wolf hand catches her and throws her into the ground. Part 2/3 At school... MANDY: Ok so you are saying Kitty literally tried to stab you last night? CRIMMY: Yeah it was fucking crazy TOM: Can't say I'm surprised, it's fucking Kitty CRIMMY: Yeah but you don't know what happened next, that bitch had pulled my earring doing our fight and then when I grabbed it, I saw a hand coming out of the ground and pulling her into the ground! CLAIRE: Umm ok and you say I'm on bath salts TOM: Honestly this wouldn't shock me because we are all being surrounded by a fucking demon that tried to kill us all some days ago Suddenly, Kitty comes to school, and she's still the same basic bitch. KITTY: Hi basics, how has it been trying to land a date, nerd MANDY: You are going fucking down CRIMMY: Yeah we are sending your lame ass to prison KITTY: Ok what the fuck are you guys talking about? CRIMMY: You basic tried to kill me KITTY: tf? CRIMMY: Umm don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about KITTY: I literally don't know what you're talking about CRIMMY: LAST NIGHT, CEMETERY, RING ANY BELLS? KITTY: I was on a fucking curfew Tom and Claire start laughing af. CRIMMY: STOP LYING YOU CUNT YOU TRIED TO STAB ME KITTY: You know what I think you should go to rehab because you are wasted Kitty acts like she's burned Crimmy but she didn't. Then when she realizes, she whips her ponytail and leaves, but she can't walk so she trips. TOM: This is fucking, like idek MANDY: Hmm... this sounds like a weird mystery to me! Suddenly the sky opens up and delivers Mandy's paycheck for saying that. After school... MANDY: So obvi we are going to investigate that shady bitch tonight TOM: Not me, I have dinner with Chuck's family and they figured because I got fucked by him I should join too. I said no at first but then they said there would be fries and a cake. MANDY: Please if there's anyone more useless in this it was you TOM: omg ur so queen CRIMMY: Um I have plans too Roger and Reg are taking me to the movies but they haven't even fucking decided what movie it is ''--FLASHBACK--'' Roger and Reg are fighting at the restaurant. ROGER: WE ARE GOING TO SEE THAT ACTION CHINESE STARRING SHIT MATT DAMON REG: UMM NO WE ARE GOING TO SEE THAT LEGO BATMAN MOVIE CRIMMY: What about Moonlight I heard it's really good ROGER: Kys ''--BACK TO PRESENT DAY--'' MANDY: And Claire? CRIMMY: Yes, Claire do you have shit to do? TOM: SURE THING CLAIRE DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO FUCKING DO? CLAIRE: yep, my family is throwing a private bingewatch of OUAT MANDY: THEN WHO THE FUCK IS GONNA HELP ME Suddenly, they see an "I <3 You Mandy" truck pull over and the driver is revealed to be Angie. ANGIE: I CAN HELP YOU WITH YOUR WEIRD MYSTERIES Angie starts chasing Mandy and the gang. MANDY: OMG GUYS SOMEONE SAVE ME CRIMMY GO WITH ME CRIMMY: Cinema MANDY: K FINE U BITCH U CLAIRE CLAIRE: OUAT MANDY: TOM PLS IM QUEEN RIGHT TOM: MEMORIAL MANDY: IM TAKING UR FUCKING MANDY LOYAL BADGE TOM: NUH UH Tom runs away from Mandy. Mandy goes to the woods but then she trips and Angie catches her. As Mandy is forced to look at Angie's face, she faints out of scaryness. Later, Crimmy and Tom were totally lying to Mandy, they just wanted to spy on Claire. They are now outside Claire's house. CRIMMY: Did you get the shovel? TOM: Yep did you get the furry handcuffs? CRIMMY: Why the fuck would I do that? TOM: Because I heard Claire's brother was hot CRIMMY: Shit I forgot They knock on the Ashbrook's house. FLORA (CLAIRE'S MOM): Hello, Crimal and Tommey CRIMMY: I swear to god TOM: We are looking for Claire FLORA: Sorry who? TOM: Clara? FLORA: AH MI NIÑA CLARA she's not here TOM: What the fuck FLORA: She said she was going to a dark alleyway but I didn't know what that means CRIMMY: Sure ok Meanwhile, Mandy wakes up in the passanger's seat of the "I <3 You Mandy" truck and she's sitting next to Angie, so naturally she fucking screams her heart out. MANDY: TERIRIRIFIEIDDDDD AHDHFGHDTF Then, Mandy notices there are three Angies... The real Angie is driving the truck. ANGIE: DID I EVER TELL YOU I HAD TRIPLETS? Mandy screams AF. Part 3/3 Back at the world's worst party truck... ANGIE TRIPLET #1: 私はこの雌犬が言っていることを理解していない ANGIE TRIPLET #2: '''vat im russia '''MANDY: This is honestly the most racist thing ANGIE: We can't be racist if we're japanese ANGIE TRIPLET #2: VANGE LUK PAPA CALS ANGIE: My Russian triplet learned Russia and English at the same time and he just decided to mix it MANDY: So wait, you are all Japanese or Russian? A'NGIE:' We are all Japanese but without the Japanese eyes MANDY: kill me Suddenly they all arrive to the woods. MANDY: What the fuck are we doing here ANGIE: Muahahahahahah, we got you now Mandy Suddenly the creepy triplets grab weapons. CREEPY ANGIE TRIPLETS: YOU ARE OUR SACRIFICE TO THE GREAT BASIC WHITE DEMON MANDY: THE WHAT NOW? ANGIE TRIPLET #2: Vat dis bush is varry domb ANGIE: This all reminds me of that scene from Santa Clarita Diet where Chanel #5 gets chased on the maze MANDY: are you seriously confusing SCD for SQ? ANGIE: Honestly I couldn't tell the difference ANGIE TRIPLET #1: *japanese nonsense im not going to fucking Google Translator again* ANGIE: OH RIGHT, NOW ITS THE TIME WHERE I TELL YOU ALL ABOUT MY PLAN, AND YOU JUST STAND THERE QUIETLY MANDY: Umm, ok? ANGIE: That whole thing Crimal saw was just an hallucination, it's just like that scene in Modern Family where Chanel #2 goes to Chanel's dream MANDY: ...what am I supposed to reply to that ANGIE: So THE GREAT BASIC WHITE DEMON made that hallucination into tricking you into thinking it was a weird mystery, and then we made your friends busy with Claire's evil mystery-- MANDY: I'm sorry what the fuck "Claire's evil mystery" I don't know what you're talking about ANGIE: C'mon bitch why do you think your friends aren't here, maybe you should ask them about the blue slime coming out of her deep holes MANDY: Ok that's it I'm leaving Mandy runs away from the Angie Breakfast club but the triplets chase her. Mandy ends up tripping but she finds a fucking gun out of fucking nowhere. ANGIE: I WANT THAT BACKGROUND AND THAT LOGO MANDY: NEVER Mandy shoots Angie, but the bitch ends up doing some Matrix shit and the bullet lands on his japanese triplet. This leaves Angie very shook, and Mandy decides to run away, as all sorts of emotions are crawling up her body. Kinky. So the brothers notice this and go after Mandy, but she manages to shoot the russian one. Mandy is fucking tired from trying to escape a japanese noob so she takes a moment to breath, when suddenly Angie jumps off to her with a knife. MANDY: PLEASE DON'T KILL ME I'M INNOCENT PLUS I HAVE A FUCKING GUN Mandy pulls the trigger but then she notices there is no bullets. Mandy then notices she's fucked but she sees a log near her. ANGIE: BYE SWEET DREAMS MANDY FUCK YOURSELF Angie pulls out the knife and STABS REPEATEDLY MANDY UNTIL SHE'S DEAD THE END ..... ... ... ... ... ... ... No srsly it's over .... ... ... . .. .. .... .. . . ... OK FINE IT'S NOT THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN DONT BE FUCKING TRIGGERED So for real this time, Angie pulls out the knife and is ready to stab Mandy when suddenly. MANDY: HEY LOOK ANGIE IT'S BELLA THORNE!!! ANGIE: OMG WHERE Mandy grabs the log and hits Angie in the head with it, making him drop dead. MANDY: Well finally At the other side of the woods... Tom and Crimmy are looking for Claire. TOM: I just hope she isn't doing bath salts CRIMMY: Tho that would be most likely TOM: truu Suddenly they see a blue light and a scream. Tom and Crimmy chase the blue light and see Claire all bloody, carrying a dead body. TOM: OMG YOU KILLED HER Claire's head is twitching like a gory fucking anime. CLAIRE: It... it isn't... what... you... think... MANDY (V.O.): Hmm... I do wonder what Angie said about the Great Basic White Demon, but another mystery solved I guess. THE FUCKING ENDCategory:"Wikia's Weird Mysteries" Episodes Category:"Wikia's Weird Mysteries" Season One Episodes